This week our four children (7, 5, 3 and 1) will have been screen free for a year. A YEAR!
I didn’t tell anyone that I was attempting it, mainly because I was pretty certain that at some point I would quit, and it would have been easier to quit quietly with no-one knowing anything about it. J often teases me for my tendency towards somewhat extreme overcorrections and I thought this might be one of them. But here we are, it has been a year now and to my absolute surprise… we have done it. One year of a screen free childhood in the bag!
The reason I am writing this is because I *think* it may have been one of the best things that we have done for our kids. The difference in them, their relationships and in our home overall is remarkable. Now that we have a year under our belt I am excited to share about it with you in case there is anyone else who wants to join us. It is kind of like when you find an amazing a pair of jeans and it would be wrong to not tell your friends about them.
Please know that I am not sharing this to make anyone feel bad about their TV habits. But if there is anyone feeling like I did this time last year, with a quiet concern about how much screen time their kids actually have, and maybe more significantly, what they are actually watching, then this may be for you. For me, it was as much about the quality as the quantity of TV that they had. I tell my kids this all the time when we visit the library… “Not all books are good books” and it is the same for technology and entertainment. Just because a show lives on Netflix Kids or PBS does not mean that it is appropriate, or of any real value. Anyone who has sat with a clingy child and unwillingly watched some of this stuff knows what I am talking about. Cocomelon anyone?!
So if anyone else is feeling the same nudge that I did a year ago, to gradually turn away from all the screens and distractions as a family, then I hope that this is a helpful jumping off point. We didn’t know any other families doing this when we started out and I would have loved to have read someone else’s story. If anyone else is on this same journey then I would love to hear from you!
Our Family Before
Before our ‘big switch off’ I think we had a relatively average amount of screen time in our home. The kids didn’t have tablets or devices or access to computers or phones or apps. However, we did have a TV in the living room and a much-loved Netflix subscription. I would guess that the kids would typically watch about 1 – 2 hours of TV a day (broken up), sometimes less depending on what we were doing that day. But almost every day they would watch something.
Honestly, as a Mum of four little children there were moments in my day when I needed the break (or so I thought). Every day I would lean on my TV babysitter to help me out for those glorious 20 minutes whilst I cooked dinner or took a shower. How else would I make that phone call that I had to make without having children hanging off my legs?! Their TV time was as much for my convenience as it was for their entertainment.
But the reality was that after I finished doing what I needed to do, if they were still quiet and happy in their TV coma then I would rarely go and proactively turn it off. I would wait and squeeze out everyone quiet moment until they started fighting or arguing and then I would go and turn it off. More often 10 minutes would turn into 20, and 30 and 40 and so on. And maybe some of you are reading this and thinking … so what? What’s the big deal with a couple of hours of TV time here and there?
We had our list of ‘pre-approved’ shows that we were happy with them watching and they were fine with that. And do you know what? In the moment, on a Thursday evening when everyone was tired and I needed a quiet moment to raid the fridge and figure out what we were going to eat for dinner, it was glorious. I pressed a few buttons and I had my overtired fussy children, quietly engrossed in something harmless, with their little bottoms conveniently glued to the sofa. It was great, until it wasn’t.
Why We Went Screen Free
I started to notice that screen time was becoming something that we all depended on each day. I knew in my gut that it wasn’t great. Honestly, I don’t know if anyone else relates to this but I always knew that it was so much better when we read a book together, or I got out some colouring or even when I sat and snuggled up with them whilst we watched TV together. But there was something off about pressing those buttons and leaving the room, and as time went on, it became clearer to me.
The TV had become a big part of their daily routine. It was plan A for how we navigated a rough afternoon or a bad mood or sickness. It had become something that we ALL actually needed to calm down and be still.
The kids had developed an expectation that this sacred screen time was something to be rewarded with, “Mummy, if I clean up my toys, can I watch a show?”, “Mama, after this can I watch a show?”, “can we pleasssssse watch one more episode?” or the littlest would even bring me the remote as a plea to turn on that screen. It became a negotiating tool for all of us and the primary sourcing of whining in our home.
It had honestly never entered my brain that we could just opt out of this cycle. I didn’t know anyone who didn’t have a TV in their home and if anything I didn’t think it was an issue because I could always tick that ‘less than two hours’ questionnaire box at the Paediatrician before their wellness check. Christmas came around and screen time was up for everyone. J and I were exhausted and so we would use the TV nanny more than usual. Movie after movie after show after show. Even J and I were watching more than usual in the evenings and we were all burnt out on screens.
The Big Switch Off
January 2022 came around and along with the healthy food reboot and the packing away of the Christmas decorations came ‘the big switch off’. I impulsively suggested to J that we should do a week long experiment and not turn on the TV for the week. We had all watched far too much and we needed a detox. J was onboard (which helps!) and we even unplugged it as a physical reminder in case we slipped into old habits.
I was expecting this to be a huge thing for the kids, given what a crutch it was, and I was ready for it. And do you know what? Nothing.
The first couple of days they asked for their shows at the usual time or day, I said no and was met with some grumpy faces (but no tears!) and I distracted them with something else … “Let’s go and play outside” or “let’s get out some marker pens”. I realised that they were reaching for their screen time not because they were bored but because they were uninspired. Children have an endless capacity for imagination and creativity and if you allow them the space to sit in that then they start creating.
Screen Free Children – One Year On
We are currently mid way through this apparently endless relocation back to the UK. We packed up our home in early November and have been living out of our three suitcases ever since. Everything is taking far longer than even our worst estimations. We are currently entering our eighth week back in the UK and we are currently living in a holiday cottage, on a farm in the middle of the Peak District and the children have never been happier.
We have a handful of toys and books that family have kindly loaned us, but aside from that the kids actually have very little to ‘entertain’ themselves with. And do you know what? I have not heard the words “I am bored” once. They have made their own fun right where we are and it is incredible to watch.
I thought that a huge part of what made our screen free life work was the wonderful weather in Southern California. The kids spent most of their time outdoors. I was nervous as to how that part of life would work in England in the winter, but the kids have totally amazed me. A quick Amazon order of waterproofs and some more serious coats, hats and gloves and they have been outside almost as much as they would have been in California. To my total surprise, they don’t care about the weather, they just want to be outside!
I don’t know if it is their ages, or our lifestyle or the switch to the screen free life but whatever the cause I can say that the kids are more imaginative and creative now than ever before, even the little ones. Their relationships with each other are so much stronger. Most of their games rely on them playing together and so they are naturally incentivised to get along better. Yes there are falling outs but I am noticing that I am needing to intervene less and less as they getting better at working it out together and prioritising relationships. We say often “people over stuff, people over stuff” and it feels like it is going in!
We are reading so much more as a family. I have a couple of kids learning to read themselves (one well on the way) which is wonderful but the real shift has been with the number of chapter books that we have been reading together. I read ‘The Read Aloud Family’ by Sarah Mackenzie (she has a great podcast too) this year and let me tell you that reading aloud to the kids more has been amazing. Whether it is over breakfast time whilst they eat or during a quiet hour in the afternoon (rarely before bed actually), it has been such a good way of developing patience and concentration in the kids. If anything, I would say that read-alouds have been the most direct replacement for screen time.
I don’t know if this is the case for anyone else, I am sure it must be, but my kids would often be really grouchy and grumpy and lethargic after screen time. I also think that now, on reflection, that TV time in the evenings affected their sleep. I know that it does for me so I wouldn’t be surprised if it is the same for them. The kids all sleep so much better since we axed the TV, but maybe that is also because they are replacing that time with activity (whether mental or physical) – either way, it is great!
Will We Go Back?
Well here is the test. We sold our TV in a garage sale when we left America and so when we eventually move into our home here we will have to make the call as to whether to buy one or not. As it stands, I don’t think we will. We just don’t miss it and whilst it is not there then it is not temping anyone. A knock on effect of the kids no longer watching any TV is that J and I barely watch it now either. We will occasionally decide to watch a movie together as a date night, but it is rare these days. Sports is more of the problem but maybe we will invest in some sort of projector for those times that we need it?
We never want to be legalistic about TV, making it a huge issue or making it an issue when we visit other peoples homes. There are times when TV is unavoidable and I don’t want the children to grow up thinking that TV is some awful dangerous enemy! For example, we had three international flights this year (11 hours each way) and on those flights the kids were allowed to use the inflight TVs and it was a fun novelty. There are times and places where it is there and that is fine, we just don’t want it to be part of normal everyday life in our home.
I think the biggest surprise in all of this for me is how much more time I have in the day. The whole reason that I clung to the TV before was to give myself time to get things done – remember the TV babysitter that I loved so dearly? Well I don’t miss it one bit! Now that the kids are so accustomed to entertaining themselves, they play happily far longer than they ever did when they watched TV. I actually have to interrupt them to read or colour or play or do schoolwork and they are eager to get back to their games! There are more dens and costumes and imaginary animals than ever before in our home and I love it.
One of our ‘read aloud’ books this year we read was ‘Fantastic Mr Fox’ by Roald Dahl. The kids loved it so much that we read it again, and then got the audiobook, listened to that a few more times and then because it was such a hit we found the movie and watched it as a family as a special treat (a few more times). They loved it and it was such a sweet family memory.
I think that there are some wonderful things that a family can cuddle up and enjoy together, and there is absolutely a time and a place for that. But I also think that most of the stuff that occupies kids’ screens (or at least my kids in years past) was actually a glorified waste of time, when they could be learning, playing or using their own imaginations.
Who knows if this will be forever or not? Maybe as the kids get older things will change? For now though, we are excited to jump into our second year of screen free childhood and see what it has to offer.
