Last year we moved out of the city for the first time in our married life. Whilst we did live in our first ‘house’ in LA, it was still very much city life and so moving out to the burbs was a big deal for us. How we ended up living where we are now is a whole other story for a whole other blog post… but we are in the BURBS. Whist it has been a total lifestyle change, for this season that we are in right now – we love it.
With J primarily working from home, homeschooling the kids, hosting family and friends and starting our house church, having some space to really spread out has been incredible. How we got this house is a wild story but in short, I didn’t even see it until we had signed! Thankfully J is an absolute miracle worker and found us the most incredible place to call home for however long the Lord has us here.
This house is HUGE (for us Brits especially!) – you Americans know how build big homes – we just don’t have the space in the UK! When we moved in here there was plenty of space to split the kids up and give them their own rooms, however something that we have loved over the years is having them share a room. From our one bedroom apartment in NYC to this home – they have always shared. Sharing started out of necessity and has now become our preference.
When Belle turned six last year we wondered whether she should move into her down room, being the only girl. In fact, we actually moved here into her own room, decorated it and … it last for about three weeks! There are just too many great and beautiful side effects of having the kids all share that we didn’t want her to miss out on.
Here are some of benefits that we have found that come with having siblings share a space…
Fostering Sibling friendships
I tell the kids this all the time – your sibling friendships are some of the most important relationships that you will have in your life. Friends will come and go through life and maybe you will be luckily to have one or maybe two friends that are lifelong but you will always have your siblings. It is my prayer that they will be close friends for life but I don’t think that that just happens without us putting the work in to foster those relationships now.
This is actually one of the big reasons why we got rid of television and screens for our kids earlier this year. Netflix and kids TV, family movies and even kids books will constantly throw out this (I believe) damaging narrative that siblings are these irritating, annoying rivals whose primary purpose in life is to compete and fight with you. Siblings are often pitted against each-other, mean to each other and that stuff goes in! I was noticing behaviours in our kids that were coming from these shows that they were watching. No thank you!
It is something that we talk about often with our kids. Both my parents are only children and I grew up constantly being told how fortunate I was to have siblings but I didn’t really understand that until it was too late and we were all grown and left home.
If one of the kids runs to me excited to tell me what terrible thing their sibling has done in the hope that they will be disciplined for said offence and maybe even thanked for reporting it to me, the child who is snitching will always be my bigger concern. Their tattle telling indicates to me that they have malicious intent towards their sibling. They are literally rejoicing in their sibling getting in trouble and that is not ok. Obviously when there is real danger and I can see that they are telling me out of actual concern for their siblings then that is a whole different thing. However, I am sure that most parents or teachers knows exactly what I am referring to here – the straight up tattle telling. I am determined to keep that out of their relationships with each other because I think it is damaging. There is always friction and resentment between them when their is tattle telling. I want to do all that I can to deepen and encourage their relationships, not help tear them down.
Sharing a room gives them extra opportunity for those sweet bedtime giggles and conversations when they forget that the baby monitor is on. It is so special and they would totally miss out on that if they were all in their own rooms.
Character Training Opportunity
Here is the thing… most adults will share their living space with others at some point in their life, and if they get to experience the blessing of marriage then they will share a whole lot more than a bedroom. I am trying (hard!) to raise selfless, considerate, kind and respectful adults and I think that growing up sharing a space with their siblings is a fantastic training ground for that.
They are collectively responsible for keeping their space clean and tidy and being respectful of each-others ‘stuff’. They all have a bedside table cubby where they keep anything personal and they are fantastic at respecting that. As Belle and Freddie are a little older (6 and 5) they are at an age where they have lots of ‘special things’ that they want to hold onto … rocks, photos, craft, smaller toys etc and so they each have a chest under their beds where they keep those things. Freddie’s is actually a real safe with a key which he loves!
PSA to their future spouses – I will accept your appreciations in the form of jewellery and/or leather bags. You are welcome.
Resilient Sleepers
One of the most common questions that I get when people hear or visit and see their shared bedroom is “do they not wake each other up at night?”. Honestly…. almost never! They do have a little white noise machine in the room which I think helps but I think that main thing is that they have the same bedtime and wake time. We invested in a special alarm clock that is red at night and then changes to yellow in the morning so that the younger boys can know that it is the morning when they are too young to tell the time. The kids named the clock ‘Sleepy Bear Panda Bear Wylie’ and he is the MVP. Even Sonny at 15 months understands the clock!
What about the babies? I only move babies into the shared room once they are sleeping through the night without any feeds. Once I am confident that they can do a 11/12 hour stretch then they graduate from our room to the big kid room! That transition has been easier than I have anticipated each time. I actually think that moving a baby into a room where they can see their siblings next to them is really comforting. I have watched Sonny on the baby monitor wake up, cry for a moment, clock that the big three are there and happily go back to sleep.
Collective responsibility
We are big believers in children playing a meaningful role in the running of our home. I think that chores are not just good for kids but actually an important aspect of their training. Everyone is built to work and I think that fostering that in the kids from a young age makes them feel confident and valued. We have daily, weekly and special responsibilities that they all have. I should write a whole blog post about this because it is a huge passion of mine!
However, the kids are responsible for the state of their bedroom. Each morning I make the beds but they manage everything else. I posted on Instragram about this a while ago …. I love making their beds each morning as I use it as a time to pray for each one of them. I want to be a Mum who thanks God for her children everyday and prays for them and considers what they need. That is such a beautiful idea right?! But realistically it wont happen unless I incorporate it into MY daily routine. If it is left to me then I do forget to pray for them but I don’t forget to make their beds each day so I use those few moments as I make their beds to pray and thank God for each one of them. Then I do the same for J and our marriage as I make our bed each morning.
Also… as a rule we don’t keep many toys in their bedroom, just books and soft toys, and I think that really helps keep the space peaceful and manageable for them to maintain.
Home flexibility
Another thing that I really love about a shared room is that it offers us so much flexibility when we go away. Sharing a hotel room or space in a friend’s home is no big deal because they are so used to falling asleep together. It also gives us more flexibility to change our living arrangements if we need to. If we needed to relocate to a city and adapt back to apartment life then their room sharing habits would be a huge blessing.
J and I may or may not be future dreaming about *one day maybe* packing up and hitting the road for some RV/School bus conversion life. I mean … it is just the natural progressions for home educators right? We are early stage dreaming over here and we can’t see that being an option anytime soon but it is something that we are very very open to. All that to say… they wouldn’t all have their own rooms on a school bus y’know!
They become great sleepers
Maybe is it training, maybe the routines or maybe it is the shared bedroom … whatever it is, our kids sleep really good sleepers. They ALL go to bed together at 7pm and they wake up at 6:30am. Sometimes they wake earlier but they are not allowed to make too much noise or come out of their room until 6:30am. I sometimes hear them wake up at around 6 but they will quietly take a book and read in their beds until it is time to get up. Sometimes I will catch someone climbing into the crib with Sonny to look at a book with him and I love that. Those are the little moments that sharing a room provides.
We don’t know how long we will be in this home or how long the kids will all share a room but for now it is wonderful. Eventually Belle will need some space away from her many brothers but not yet. Hey, if she is blessed with a little sister one day then we could have a girls room and a boys room! That would be sweet.
Anyway… I hope that this is helpful for anyone living in a small space wishing that they could give all their kids their own rooms – our culture will tell you that kids need their own rooms but they don’t. Enjoy the benefits of them sharing whilst you can, because there are so many!
